Household Haiku Series

It's America.

Love it or leave it. We ain't.

Out of many, one.

~John Patrick Starling

www.johnpatrickstarling.com

Household Haiku Series

My fall comes quickly.

Summer? I scarcely recall...

Spring? No, Winter awaits.

~John Patrick Starling

The Elephant in the Room

In the Trophy Room at Mara Lago,

It hangs above the fireplace, its

Great trunk jutting straight out nearly 6 feet long

And perfectly level with the ground. Tusks gone.

"They say its good luck if the trunk is pointing up",

"Except in Asia, then it should point down to get the luck out"

"So I told my people to split the difference"

"Either way we're winning."

The room is full of his boys' stuffed animals

Each one mounted on exotic woods, nearly extinct.

An entire pride of female lions covers one wall

Their heads jutting into the room conspicuously.

A water buffalo spies them from across the way

Wary of the distance between them, grateful

For the presence of the three great white rhinos, and

The hippo nearby, baring its long teeth.

An old wooden globe bar is open for the members

And half the people on Earth are hanging on for dear life

Their world turned upside down, wondering

How many times they'll have to flush now.

A calico kitten is mounted on its hind legs, showing claws

Along with four tough looking black hamsters, and

They've cornered a baby seal - its fur shock white with terror.

"Make sure you get that on camera" he says.

The Fox reporter scans the room in awe, asking

"Did your sons shoot all of these animals?"

"The koala bear? The puppy? The sloth?"

"And the elephant? They shot an elephant!"

"Well, I don't like to brag - but that one's mine."

"Some people say it was running away."

"But that's very disingenuous. Fake news."

"It's a hoax. An eight-ton elephant doesn't just run away"

"I've heard the females don't even get that big."

"But this one was pregnant with triplets."

"They say it's really rare. Really rare."

"I don't know how it happens. How does that happen?"

Past the big picture window overseeing the greens

A donkey ("jackass") pulls a cart of workers

Colorful scarves tied across their brown faces

They clutch their spades and hoes like lottery tickets.

Two hours into the interview he's still going on, and on...

How everything is someone else's fault;

How Fox isn't always nice to him anymore

And how he's being treated very poorly by the weather...

The journalist steals a glance out the open window

Silently calculating if he's cunning enough to escape

This poorly written episode in our history with his hide in tact.

And pondering why there's no bear in the room.

~John Patrick Starling